In Sydney, Australia, I finally came out to my family. When I told my mom what was going on, she jumped on a plane immediately. It was this big, tear-soaked baptism, and she confessed that she had been afraid to arrive and grieve the loss of her son. But when she arrived she found it wasn’t so much a death as it was a discovery. That there was this other part of me, an unseen part, and she felt it was like a gift because now she could get to know that part of me. [applause]
We went to dinner. I dressed as feminine as I could, wanting to be seen by strangers as Lana. Hoping that waiters would not call me “sir” or “he,” as if these people suddenly had the power to confirm or deny my existence. My mom is also a bit talkative. She always introduces herself to the waiter or waitress. And she’s like, “Hi, I’m Lynne. This is my daughter Lana.” And the waitress smiles and says, “Wow, she looks just like you.” [applause]
When my dad arrived he shrugged it off easier than accepting that his wife and daughter had once voted for Jane Byrne instead of Harold Washington [for Chicago mayor in 1983] -- a choice that still rankles him today. He said, “Look, if my kid wants to sit down and talk to me I’m a lucky man. What matters is that you’re alive, you seem happy, and that I can put my arms around you and give you a kiss.” [applause] Having good parents is just like the lottery. You’re just like, “Oh my god, I won the lottery! What the -- I didn’t do anything!” (Wachowski, Lana. HRC Visiblity Ward Acceptance, 2012).
I found this (very long) excerpt from the speech to be fascinating. Prior to encountering Lana in class I didn't knew a single thing about either her or her brother. Despite my lack of prior knowledge about her, I still found her speech to be both entertaining and quite telling. This excerpt was particularly fascinating because it made me wonder how her parents found it within themselves to be so instantaneously accepting, at least externally. I would suspect that internally they may have still had to wrestle some of the emotions that such change in their daughter uncovered, but they still managed to be outstandingly supportive. From my limited experience with the topic of transgender experience, very few parents are as boldly and instantly accepting of their child's choice. Many parents never reach any level of acceptance, no matter how many years pass. I was moved almost to tears at some parts of Lana's speech and the segment about her parents I found to be very moving.
I particularly loved how Lana highlighted her father's greater frustration with her voting choices than her gender choices. This emphasis served to highlight that perhaps a gender choice is not quite as significant as it is often presented to be. Of course it is significant and important to an individual that is embracing an identity that is fitting for them; but another person's choice should not be so significant to the rest of us. Our entire understanding of who are person was, who a person is , and who a person can be, should never be wrapped up in one word such as male or female.
Perhaps it says something about my own acceptance of transgender individuals that I find the Wachowski parents' acceptance of their daughter so amazing; but I feel that put in the same situation it would be difficult to even attempt to put on such a supportive face. I consider myself an open minded an accepting person, but even thinking about being put in the same situation as Lana's parents puts questions into my mind about how supportive I could be. Put in the same situation I think that I would have so many questions, and that while I would still love my child, my instinct would be to ask why, over and over again. I would also have to mourn the loss of a child who will never be quite as I imagined him or her to be. I'd like to think that after a brief adjustment period I would be a parent as good as Lana's mother or father. I also sincerely hope I'd choose a partner capable of doing the same thing. Lana noted that she felt like she had one the parent lottery, and that is a feeling that I wish so many other children could experience.
Wachowski, Lana. "HRC Visibility Award Acceptance." Human Rights Campaign Annual Gala. Human Rights Campaign. Westin St. Francis, San Francisco. 20 Oct. 2012. Speech.
I particularly loved how Lana highlighted her father's greater frustration with her voting choices than her gender choices. This emphasis served to highlight that perhaps a gender choice is not quite as significant as it is often presented to be. Of course it is significant and important to an individual that is embracing an identity that is fitting for them; but another person's choice should not be so significant to the rest of us. Our entire understanding of who are person was, who a person is , and who a person can be, should never be wrapped up in one word such as male or female.
Perhaps it says something about my own acceptance of transgender individuals that I find the Wachowski parents' acceptance of their daughter so amazing; but I feel that put in the same situation it would be difficult to even attempt to put on such a supportive face. I consider myself an open minded an accepting person, but even thinking about being put in the same situation as Lana's parents puts questions into my mind about how supportive I could be. Put in the same situation I think that I would have so many questions, and that while I would still love my child, my instinct would be to ask why, over and over again. I would also have to mourn the loss of a child who will never be quite as I imagined him or her to be. I'd like to think that after a brief adjustment period I would be a parent as good as Lana's mother or father. I also sincerely hope I'd choose a partner capable of doing the same thing. Lana noted that she felt like she had one the parent lottery, and that is a feeling that I wish so many other children could experience.
Wachowski, Lana. "HRC Visibility Award Acceptance." Human Rights Campaign Annual Gala. Human Rights Campaign. Westin St. Francis, San Francisco. 20 Oct. 2012. Speech.
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